you can watch me disappear

kellscorcho @ 2004-09-08T23:13:00

2004-09-09T06:15:47Z

i dont know how you react, but RIP derek gardner.
my mom keeps telling me about all these people who are dying way too young,
there are far too many.
its too sad...

meow

2004-07-03T06:12:43Z

kellscorcho @ 2004-03-22T16:25:00

2004-03-23T00:27:22Z

i'm famous

Washing the feet of Berkeley's homeless
Ritual rinse relaxes weary and displaced

Leslie R. Guttman

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Kelly Nilsson is a UC Berkeley student from the wealthy, conservative suburbs of Orange County, and every Monday night, she spends a couple of hours washing the feet of Berkeley's homeless young.

The service is part of a youth clinic program run primarily by UC Berkeley undergrads near campus with funding from the university and other sources. It was there I met Nilsson, 19. She had just finished washing one young homeless man's feet using a tiny scrubbing brush with a rubber ducky on its top and a small square pink bar of soap.

''My mom thinks what I'm doing is gross,'' she said, ''but I really like doing it. I had no idea what other people's lives were like until I started volunteering here.''

The 4-year-old clinic also provides counseling, acupuncture and legal advice. No one is sure how the foot-washing started, but Ryan Houk, 20, a Cal student who helps coordinate the clinic, said he thought it probably started for religious reasons (in the Bible, Jesus washes his disciples' feet as a gesture of humility) but evolved into simply a nice thing to do for people who are out on their feet all day.

Nilsson said that at first the foot washing ''felt awkward. You don't know what to say. I didn't want to do it. But then I decided to challenge myself. I learned a lot of people want to talk. You'd be surprised by how much they want to tell you.''

Berkeley population of homeless youth is about 500 in a city of 110,000, but they're quite visible, begging downtown and up by the campus in shaggy packs, sleeping on the pavement.

One night, I met Miguel Angel deLeon, 30, who said the foot washing relaxed him and took his mind off the streets. He had brown hair and a long brown beard tied up in a beard ponytail. He wore a silky white paisley shirt over layers of other clothes. When I asked him why he found himself on the streets, he said: ''I lost my girl and my kids so what else is there?''

On another night, I met a 23-year-old guy who gave his name as Spencer. He wore black, a silver ring through his nose, a gigantic safety pin dangling from one of his belt loops. He said besides the obvious pleasure of having a beautiful woman like Cal student Birdie Nguyen wash his feet, the ritual made him feel homey and safe, the way you sometimes feel when you're taken care of as a little kid. ''It relaxes me completely. It makes me feel a lot better.''

He said in his view there are two populations of kids on the street, what he called Train Riders and Oogles. Train Riders like him ride the freights as far north as Alaska and Canada, and south to Mexico. Oogles are ''dumb-ass kids who don't know s -- '' and romanticize homelessness. ''There's nothing romantic about it,'' Spencer said. His eyes were ice blue and hard.

Nguyen, 19, who grew up in suburban south Sacramento, told me she volunteers to wash feet because she doesn't want to keep walking by the kids on Telegraph Avenue without knowing who they are.

''I just think these street kids are so much a part of Berkeley, to get to know them is to get to know Berkeley,'' she said.

On another night, I met a homeless guy in his 20s who goes by the name Bug. He had reddish hair tied back in a ponytail, freckles and pale blue eyes. He sat in a row of three homeless guys getting their feet washed in white basins. To his left was a table full of food: burritos, pizza, fruit salad, sandwiches and Power Bars. Behind him were two tables with kids being treated with acupuncture. To his right a volunteer mended clothes.

The washing ritual, Bug said, is ''my way of keeping myself from killing someone out there. I come here every week to relax.''

At this point, Houk, the clinic coordinator, stood up and announced that homeopathy was available. The scene took on the strange quality of a Rancho La Puerta spa day for the young homeless.

Bug and the guy sitting next to him got up from their feet washings to get some food. A woman with blond hair sat down to get her feet washed. Her face was worn and burned by the sun. Spelled out on the back of each finger, save the thumb, were tattooed the letters: L-O-S-T. A Cal student prepared to wash her feet while a couple of other homeless kids waited their turns.

The foot washing gave them a few moments of human touch, something they needed but wouldn't come out and ask for. And it gave the volunteers, for a few moments, a chance to help the homeless. "A lot of these street kids hang out on Telegraph Avenue," Nguyen said. "It's nice to know who they are and even be friends with some of them . . . to see them (on the street) and not ignore them, not to look away."

Leslie Guttman is an editor on The Chronicle news desks.

kellscorcho @ 2004-03-01T00:11:00

2004-03-01T08:12:51Z

pictures of success

2004-02-13T05:30:11Z

build your own television receiver
staying home can't be that bad for me
cause i'm not scared
but i'd like some extra spare time
easily earn me big money

i'm a modern girl but i fold in half so easily
when i put myself in the picture of success
i could learn world trade
or try to map the ocean

when you're dead
in hospitals and freeways
when you're dead
in resting homes and clinics
when you're dead
it must be nice to finish
when you're dead

i've had it with you
and mexico can fucking wait
and all of those french films about trains
cause i'm not scared
but i'd like some extra spare time
i'm not scared
but the bills keep changing colors

when you're dead
in hospitals and freeways
when you're dead
in dress shirts and neckties
when you're dead
in apartments and on beaches
when you're dead

they say california is a recipe for a black hole
and i say i've got my best shoes on
i'm ready to go (ready to go)
ready to go
ready to go
i'm ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
i'm ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
i'm ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
ready to go
i'm ready to go

these are times that can't be weathered and
we have never been back there since then

these are times that can't be weathered and
we have never been back there since then

these are times that can't be weathered and
we have never been back there since then

these are times that can't be weathered and
we have never been back there since then

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-22T22:51:00

2004-01-23T06:51:21Z

you break my heart into a thousand pieces, and you say it's because i deserve better?

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-20T19:32:00

2004-01-21T06:40:27Z

so today has just been a bizarre day. i dont think i like it.

i got snubbed from abbas and reema today. screw you guys. i wont sit with you in class then.

but luckily, jack!!!! is in 2 of my classes, so yay. and he didnt snub me, and he never lived on my floor. there are a lot of hot guys in my ias class. score!! peis has hot guys. yay yay.

the only thing i was looking foward to today was going to target, and i know that sounds silly, but i was really looking foward to it. but they went without me :(

sooo what else has been going on? umm friday we finally hung out with our next door neighbor who we've been obsessed with. he's rad. he gave us beer. he went to santa margarita high school. small world eh?

then saturday liz and i went to davis and we went to a show at eric's, brother of kelley, house. those were some fun, random times.

then there was sunday. aah yes the apartment party. i was definatly the opposite of sober. oh gosh tho, it was sooo darn fun. if i wasnt soo lazy and if i hadnt started writing this like 4 hours ago, i would write more about it. basically, the first party here, many people showed up. someone puked in our hallway, and now lauren's cousin wants to, and i quote, "Cokemule (10:31:27 PM): if you wanted you could make that place fucking the chill center of the universe
Cokemule (10:31:53 PM): ill leave my bong there and every lunch period well just stop by and blaze
Cokemule (10:31:59 PM): thats the way to go...."

anyways, if you want to see pictures from davis and the party, click here

haha. he's like 17. and he looks like he's 13. and he's crazy!! haha anyways, this is entertaining. anyways.

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-20T13:54:00

2004-01-20T21:56:04Z

there is something just so incredibly awesome about conversation hearts. those were my favorite in my box. dont you love my cheesy photoshop border too?

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-17T17:49:00

2004-01-18T02:04:23Z

funny how i'm too lazy to update.

i've been having fun since i've been back in berkeley, regardless of having to work both days.

i'll fill you all in later, lizzle and i are on our way to davis.

ooh and this fool jade from afi came into my work again on friday.

yah i got him at my window and everything, but i tried not to make a total ass out of myself, i dunno if i succeeded. but i still feel special.

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-15T01:41:00

2004-01-15T09:41:19Z

screw it. i'm packing tomorrow.

sing like you think no one's listening

2004-01-15T06:00:09Z

i understand that i'm not the greatest catch in the world, but i do have some good qualities. and i think i at least deserve better than this.

so yeah. i'm super stoked about going to berkeley. i'm excited about new, hard classes, i'm excited about a lot of things.

i'm not really excited about seeing alen, but oh well.

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-13T10:49:00

2004-01-13T19:23:46Z

my throat hurts, i cant even talk. goddamn virus or whatever it is. my face feels all puffy too. ack. my mom is trying to get me to go to the doctors, but its not like they can give me medicine. so it would just be a waste

so yesterday was an interesting day. briana was down doing her mock trial thing at ucla, and the rest of the people she was with wanted go to go disneyland, but she didnt want to pay. so i drove up to anaheim and picked her up. then we drove to laguna beach. then she wanted to go see her friend in cerritos, so i drove her there. i guess i didnt realize jsut how much driving i was doing, cuz before hanging out with briana, i drove up to LA. so basically i was driving briana around a LOT, and i didnt realize i was out of gas... so yeah my car broke down. briana and holly were kind enough to push it off the main road tho.

i realized that were were stuck in la palma, where darryl lives. so i tried calling him for help but the dork was at work. he totally missed out on his chance to be my knight in shining armor. damn. luckily holly's mom was super pro and she fixed it.

so thats all thats new with me i guess. jake called me when he was driving home from orange county, we talked all the way until he was in vista, when his cell phone died. he sang dashboard confessional to me. :)

anyways, i feel like crap and i have to hang out with annoying-girl today. this is not going to be my day i can tell you that already.

we shall call them john stamos

2004-01-12T09:10:39Z

kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiity!!!!

they are waiting for me on my dresser in berkeley. see? its my dresser because it has my lotion and my kelley-kelly-jenny picture. and pills. if it's anything of mine, it will involve pills. yaaaaaaaaaaaaay kitty!!!!

and i like jake i like jake i like jake. yaaay. i smell like cigarettes, you know what that means.... i hung out with my jake tonight. he partied a little too hard last night. like, drank half a keg, so my jake was sleeping all day. which i found annoying so i went to go see him instead. so sad. i'm leaving in 4 days!!!! what the heck. not fair. well, i'm actually excited about going back to school... way excited. i'm way excited to see my roomies and berkeley again. i'm going to miss some people here tho. so sad!!! and, i still really need to hang out with some of you. call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! melissa.. i'm looking your way. haha.

anyways. i went to carlsbad today to go outlet shopping. i only got underwear tho. but i like underwear. a lot. its fun.

i finally learned how to knit mittens!!! as soon as i figure out an image-hosting place, i'm gonna post pictures, cuz i basically made the freaking raddest mittens in the world. well, one mitten. its partner has yet to be completed. and now i'm making a hat! i've gone crazy.

and i'm sorry seema... i suck and i swear to god i'll finish your scarf soon. and bemis, when seema's is done i will make yours. haha. i swear. so much knitting,... so little time. alrighty. i should go to bed. i get to see briana tomorrow!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

and would you fuck me? cause i'd fuck me.

2004-01-11T22:07:08Z

so last night kelley and i went to go see rilo kiley. god, they were so incredible. i dunno. i'm into that folkey thing i guess. should have gone to the glasshouse show though, i heard they played "glendora". but alas, no luck. so i really really really disliked the second band that played tho. i still dont understand what they were or why they were there. reggae? ska? intrumental? who knows! not me.

but yeah, first time ever driving into LA for me. i just realized that last night. i've always been driven there (except for that inland invasion incident... shame shame). one thing i dont like about going to shows like that tho is that its totally an urban outfitters fashion show. and i guess there's nothing wrong with that except i'm always dressed shlumpy and

jenny lewis is even radder in person too. she is seriously like my idol. i think she's everyone's idol. but still.

i stayed at kelley's in san digeo on friday night. that was way mega fun. i'm sorry i ditched you to see jake, kelley. i suck i know. and yeah, basically escondido is just as far from san diego as it is to laguna hills, so my great plan to see him while in san diego was malproductive. oh well. i met him halfway in carlsbad.

the entry is to be continued...

i wish you weren't worth the wait, cause there's some things i'd like to say to you

2004-01-05T23:14:04Z

ok so "winter" for southern california requires air conditioning in the car. oh lordy. and i have to wear a scarf because of these goddamn hickies. needless to say, its warm.

so i've seen jake for the past 2 days against my better judgement. i'm kind of sick of being lectured by my friends who think "i can do better". like, i appriciate it guys, but really. i'll work this out on my own. however, i find myself being less and less attracted to him each time i see him. maybe its his ugly heart. haha. or maybe i'm just sick of dating a guy who looks like the 4th member of blink 182. whatever it is, its not going to last and i know it. and he probably knows it too. hopefully he does, cuz its not going to last through this week-- i think i'll have a talk with him. anyways enough about Jerk.

i need to drive up to berkeley. adam is going up next weekend, but that is the ONE weekend of this whole darn break that i cant go. miss briana is coming down. and plus, i'm going to see rilo kiley. too bad it was bad timing. so i dunno what i'm going to do. does anyone want to drive up there with me? really. or does anyone want to drive a printer up there for me? i'll give you money and hugs. please??!?!?!!? i have a printer/copier/scanner that needs to make its way to berkeley. call/IM me and we'll work somethign out. otherwise i dunno. maybe my dad will drive up there with me. that sounds like as much fun as a root canal. for both of us. my dad does not want any part of the ride up there just to turn around and drive back. come on guys! it could be an adventure. road trip!!!

hmm another thing. i read on knott's website that if you bring in a can of food you can get a ticket for only $12.95. how rad is that? we're all going to knotts. like now.

ok i feel like making myself feel better by boosting our economy now (aka shopping). and really, anyone who's reading, berkeley road trip??? we can go tomorrow and be back on thursday.

kellscorcho @ 2004-01-03T14:37:00

2004-01-03T22:37:48Z

i am such a fucking girl. ack. haha these damn emotions.

hmm. i dont like tequila tho. but it still makes a good point.

2003-12-31T04:05:03Z

Congratulations!! You're a shot of some good old
hard liquor!

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i know i havent been fun lately. i'm going to try and change that i promise.

i'm having a hard time choosing which summer school classes i'm going to take. in session A i can take PEIS 100, or session C i can take econ 100A, or in session D i can take spanish 3. so many choices. screw you orange county. see how much i need you? none.

i have ugly feet and i want new shoes. well, luckily for me i go to the spectrum every night so i can look there for some new shoes. not that i have any money, no not at all.

darryl just called me and asked me to go to vegas with him tonight. i declined. but i actually considered. strange.

ok well i'm writing broken thoughts so you know i have nothing with substance to say. happy new years everybody. i have a feeling it'll just be me and nyquil this new years. aint nothing wrong with that.

she'll destroy us all before she's through

2003-12-29T21:40:37Z

so i'm pretty sure this is the last time i come home. i mean, i'll come and visit and all. but i will never come home for this extended amount of time. i just cant.

plus, i really do need to stay in berkeley and do summer school. not that i have money for that or anything. details details. i can go to vista for summer school. or not.

so now i need something to do over spring break. end of march-ish. any ideas? that dont involve money, cuz i dont have that. so think hard all of you.

so i'm a big dork and i JUST discovered that you can do entries in a "rich text" form. wow i'm retarded.

kellscorcho @ 2003-12-28T18:45:00

2003-12-29T02:46:05Z

my home life just effectively fell apart.

i want to go back to berkeley now.

hey, since i'm a copy cat. i got this from melissa's dealie.

2003-12-25T23:53:28Z

[.Have You Ever.]
[1] Flashed someone: yes
[2] Told the person you liked how you felt: yeah i guess. i tell half-truths more though.
[3] Been to Michigan: nope
[4] Gotten really wasted: oh yeah.
[5] Gone to jail/juvi: no but kelley lived down the street from a juvi over the summer
[6] Skateboarded: nooo
[7] Skinny dipped: yeah. in my younger, innocent days
[8] Stolen anything from a store: i'm an accomplice more often
[10] Kicked someone's ass: nope
[11] Broke a beer bottle: i'm sure. i've broken a vodka bottle. *sniff* it was full too.
[12] Gotten into a bar under aged: no!damnit. i wish i was 21
[13] Flipped someone off: yes, and i tought my little sister to do it too
[14] Gone on a road trip: only that little one with lizzie. and i talked the whole way.
[15] Gone on vacation without adult supervision: wow, i guess not. i really need to.
[16] Been to a concert: yeah i've been to one.
[17] Been to another country: only canada and mexico. and i dont think TJ counts as mexico
[18] Talked back to an adult: yes
[19] Got pulled over: yes. bastard
[20] Into a car accident: not with me driving. *knock on wood* i almost did on sunday tho. woops.
[21] Broke a law: many laws!
[22] Given money to some homeless person: haha this is a silly question. YES. i have given money to a homeless person.
[23] Tried to kill yourself: cant say that i have. i almost killed myself this morning though, but that was an accident.
[24] Cried to get out of trouble: yes. come home crying, they dont ask questions
[25] Kissed a friends brother/sister: what about a brother's friend???? or a brother's roommate's brother?
[.Opinions.]
[26] What Do You Think About Boy Bands: old
[27] What Do You Think About Flags Burning: well, seeing as that i'm not very patriotic myself... haha. nah i dont burn flags, but dont let me stop you.
[28] What Do You Think Of The War On Terrorists: something about it makes me very uncomfortable
[29] What Do You Think About Suicide: its sad.
[30] What Do You Think About People Who Try To Force Their Opinions Upon you: really really annnoying. yah everyone does it sometimes, but really. stop. its annoying.
[31] what do u think about abortion: i'm not gonna bust out all my left wing propaganda now. i want to keep friends. and plus, see #30. its kind of a "dont ask dont tell" kinda thing to me.
[32] What Do You Think About Rock/Metal Music: dont mind it at all
[33] Where Do You Think You'll Be In 10 Years: probably still making up all my econ classes i have yet to fail. goddamn uc berkeley.
34] Who Do You Think You'll Still Be Friends With In 5 Years: everyone!
[35] What Do You Think About The Pop Music Scene: i leave it be.
[36] What Do You Think About The Store Abercrombie & Fitch: i think its stupid. they only get hired to work there if they are "attractive" enough. fo reals. i know people there. their clothes arent that cute, and are too expensive. ha! they get paid minimum wage tho. take that suckas
37] What Do You Think About Porn: oh its dirty
[38] What Do Think About The Death Penalty: see #30
[.What Did You Do....]
[39] Last Birthday: jaaaaaake!!! i mean. i hung out with him. any many other cool people.
[40] Yesterday: family time
[41] Last Weekend: concert, balboa island
[42] Christmas: oh thats today
[43] Thanksgiving: dinner. then hung out with jaaaaaake!!!!
[44] New Years Eve: hung out with kelley. and sean. and i probably fell asleep early
[45] Halloween: that was a bad day
[46] Easter: went to the library. was still in berkeley
[47] Valentines Day: haha date with chris. "kelly, i hope you like the balloons"
[.The Last Thing....]
[48] You Ate: vegetarian lasagna. it tasted yucky.
[49] You Drank: cider
[50] You Took A Shower: today
[51] You Wore Out: same thing i wore to the chain reaction deal. i dont have many clothes
[52] The Last Place You Went: sun city. eww 909.
[53] Last Thing You Bought: skanky underwear for my sister
[54] Last Thing You Got Pierced/Tattooed: 2nd cartilige.
[55] Last Person You Saw: all of the family
[56] Last Person You Kissed: jake!!
[57] Last Person You Fucked: eww i hate that word. can we use a euphamism or something?
[58] Last Person You Talked to: molly
[59] Last Thing You Watched: finding nemo
[60] Last Song You Heard: kearth 101

[.Now.]
[61] So What Are You Eating: oh nothing
[62] Anything To Drink With That?: nope
[63] Whatchya Wearin?: yes, jeans and a pink shirt
[64] Any Shoes?: nope
[65] Hair?: its too long and beastly looking
[66] Listening To Anything?: my family talking downstairs. oh those swedes
[67] Talking To Anyone?: no
[68] Are You Pissed I Made This So Long?: yeah i'm not gonna do the whole thing.

yeah sorry i copied that. i'm bored and avoiding my english-challenged grandparents. yeah computers.

i die trying just to keep myself from kissing you

2003-12-23T08:58:27Z

oh my god. i had the cutest night ever with jake tonight, and i just felt like coming onto my livejournal and gushing. he drove all the way up here from esco just to hang out with me for like 2 hours and then drove home. annnnnd we were totally couple like at the spectrum. that boy is certainly growing on me.

i got really crappy grades this semester. like, REALLY crappy. i think i'm going to drop some classes so that i'm not taking 21 units. because i'm obviously incompetent, and i couldnt handle that.

i need to stop making plans with people when i already have plans. tonight i was supposed to hang out with like 3 different people. buutt i blew off everyone for jake. i shouldnt do that. but it was a special circumstance. and i'm learning to stop making plans with people!!! good gosh.

shake it like a polariod picture

2003-12-21T09:09:09Z

woo hoo i just got back from chain reaction's emo dance. fun, fun, fun times! i didnt really get dressed up, but i did wear a skirt. and damnit guys, thats a big step for me. i'm paler than pale tho, so i wore tights.

aight i'm out. i'm kinda tired but kind of not. i had chai before bed.

this is by far the funniest thing i have ever seen. its pretty damn acturate too

2003-12-17T04:03:50Z

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're lazy
Strangers think	You have bigger boobs than Pam
Friends think	You're a slut

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

haha.

kellscorcho @ 2003-12-15T14:06:00

2003-12-15T22:08:37Z

so for the past 2 nights jake has called me at 2 AM to tell me how much he cares about me. i dont really know how to handle that. oh, and he's drunk, probably.

but damn. that boy knows exactly what i want to hear. he told me that he really cares, but he just has a really bad way of showing it, and he wants to change that. aww. the L word popped up again kinda and i cast it aside. he was probably drunk.

oh wells...

hey that chain reaction thing is on saturday. i'm not going to dress up.

when was the last time i held you all through the night?

2003-12-15T10:41:05Z

my mom says i'm a catch. i'm popular.